2026 so far
If 2025 me would see what 2026 me she would laugh her as off because she’d think there’s no way shit went down like that.
Yet here we are.
The last quarter of last year was really rough for me. I was having trouble with my self esteem again and my interpersonal relationships with my friends. My peace of mind was shaken to its core mainly because a close friend cut me off without telling me they're cutting me off (I had to analyze the cutting-off myself.) and without telling me why. Then the friends that used to be there, I can’t seem to reach them anymore. I was questioning & invalidating my feelings a lot. I began shutting myself out. Idk so much was happening to me mentally so I let myself just spiral down until the year ended. I guess. Anyway here's a summary of how each month broke down
January I had absofuckinlutely no idea how to pick myself up after last year but I was damn glad a new year has come. My mental health and self-esteem is still on the dumpster plus my health has been shit because our house is under construction and my allergic rhinitis absolutely hates that. But I have a plan.
February Getting better? No. Actually just distracted cause I watched a musical, yay! Then I went to Kuala Lumpur for 6 days for some travel therapy. After which I ran further from my problems. Jk. I went to Dubai to visit my sister! My anchor and my rock. She was my mental reset plan. We had a much needed vacation. We went to Georgia and Armenia. It was so lovely and such a relief, it was like finally grabbing the life vest after struggling in the water for such a long time. Then I found myself in the middle of the Middle Eastern crisis and almost got stuck in UAE. But distance (+ a calamity) really shows you who cares and I took note of that.
March Went home feeling definitely much better. My whole mantra was It's my garden. I get to chose what grows. So I started to establish connections with the people who I felt valued by in a much deeper level. I now try to initiate matcha/coffee dates or hangouts. Cause my problem was letting myself just feel neglected. Last year when I shut myself out, I feel like nobody notices. Nobody finds me? But I can't blame them because we're all busy living our lives, right? So I told myself I should assert myself more. Don't just leave yourself waiting for someone to rescue you from drowning. Save yourself. Fucking swim. So that's what I tried to do this month.
April By this time, I've had established good ground on what I wanted to achieve. I was strengthening my personal relationships with the people that matter. It was getting better finally. And I started playing pickleball again which was a good sign.
May Slowly getting my confidence back. Went to a concert. Now playing pickleball weekly.
June Just continued working on what I worked hard for since the beginning of the year.
July I started cross stitching again! Actually had this hobby when I was still in college. So happy I had the courage to pick it up again. Guess what piece I am making? A project my mom was unable to finish. Ain't that sweet? Another non-internet, non-screen hobby added to the list!
August (You are here!) A lot of things lined up for me this month. Attended 2 concerts on 2 separate trips, including a solo trip whose plans got trashed because of the weather. Then a wedding that got me (slightly) drowning in my depressing thoughts again. Don't get me wrong it was a beautiful ceremony. It's just the aftermath that opened up a few scars again. The friend who cut me off was there. We were very civil during whole thing. Even acted like nothing happened but I know it was just because of the occasion and then when we go back home it's back to the reality. It triggered my thoughts again. But I know I have to pick myself up immediately before I loose all my progress. I am actively working on that by arranging a matcha date tomorrow.