anxiety keep on trying me
Anxiety and I go way back. It’s an old friend, unwelcome but familiar. (Honestly, in 2025, who isn’t anxious?) Fortunately, my anxiety attacks have always been manageable. That was, until March 2, the night before my second solo trip to Japan.
I think it all started when I was trying to fall asleep. Just as I was about to drift off, I bolted upright cuz I realized I had forgotten to book a prepaid WiFi device for airport pickup. Internet is essential when I travel, and while I had a free eSIM, I somehow convinced myself it wasn't gonna work 1 Without internet, I'm doomed, what do I do? I'm already dreading the need to wake up for an early flight and now this?
Then my thoughts spiraled to the impending fatigue I'm about to go through tomorrow-the baggage drop lines, the listless waiting for the immigration officer to return my passport with a stamp of approval to exit the country, the trek to my hotel while dragging 2 luggages. My thoughts branched and tangled, each one feeding the next, drowning me in a sea of worry.
Cue the nausea. I was spinning, like laundry tumbling in a washing machine. Sweat poured. A headache loomed. My chest ached. Why is this happening? I never get nauseous during anxiety attacks. What if I just cancel this trip? Never mind all my paid accommodations and reserved train tickets. Let's cancel and just sleep. Yes, an 8-hr sleep sounds really cool right now.
The thought terrified me. I had never canceled an entire trip before. Somehow, I forced myself to sleep, shutting my mind down before it could betray me. Thank God for that.
I’m happy to report that I pushed through the next day. I took it one step at a time, letting the whirlwind of travel distractions keep my weary thoughts at bay. And I thought that was the end of it and those were just pre-travel jitters...
Until it came back.
Already in Japan, on the train to my hotel, the anxiety crept in again.
Is this how it’s going to be every time I travel solo? I have so many trips planned, trips I’ve been looking forward to. Will I have to battle this every time? It didn’t happen on my first solo trip abroad. That trip was incredible. So why now? Should I start reconsidering my plans?
The thought crushed me. Traveling is my passion. It’s who I am. And yet, here I was, feeling anxious while doing the thing I love most. Before I could spiral further, I pulled myself together, inhaled, exhaled and told myself to calm down. Just let me get to my hotel, get a shower, drink some tea and regroup.And I did.
The rest of the trip went smoothly. I navigated through the dark thoughts and found my excitement again. I even let myself sleep in the next morning—a small reward for pushing through. I prayed for strength, and I got it. Not only did I overcome that episode, but I still enjoyed my trip. That, in itself, felt like a victory.
Do I have answers for why it happened? No.
Do I think it’ll happen again? Probably.
Will I still travel solo? Heck. YES.
For context: I bought an eSIM for a Europe trip before. It didn't work when I got there and wasted €32. I was so frustrated.↩